When I grow up...

Rolled into a dollar store today to pick up some balloons for a demo i was doing at school. Y'know the usual, setting up some hydrogen filled balloons and blowing them up with a candle on a stick. Nothing like some fireballs to liven up chemistry.

As I'm buying the balloons, I grab a lighter frrom the rack next to the cash. Just in case there is no fire-making-equipment available, having a lighter around would definitely make the whole blowing things up scene a lot more lively.

The woman behind the cash looks at me. Stone faced. Serious. "You got ID?"

I look back at her. Trying to stifle an "are you kidding me" smile.

So, i take the "she is kidding me and rocking a killer poker face" approach, offering her enough money for both the balloons and the lighter. I realize my mistake immediately. The odds of her kidding me suddenly dropped like an assymptote approaching zero - in a hurry. Her glare suddenly resembled that of a hostile lizard crossed with an aggressive bull on the streets of Pamplona. "DO YOU HAVE ID?" - the question repeated. I think it might have actually echoed.

Of course, I had no ID. I tried, in vain, to push my money forward and be on my merry way, but she would have none of it.

I realized, with the aid of the bulging vein in her forehead and steam coming from her ears, that I had one final shot at this, before she pressed a secret security button to haul me off to jail. "I'm using these for a demo today..teaching, at a school".

That was it. Apparently one of the words I had used was the magic angry word of the day. Her volume rose, as quickly as my desire to live fell. "THESE, SIR, are TOBACCO PRODUCTS... and YOU are a MINOR"

Seeing as how my chances of rationalizinig with her were sinking fast, I opted to avoid rational avenues of negotiation.

"Well, what about matches"
"NO, those are tobacco products sir!"
"Ok, is there anything else you won't let me buy?"

(at this point, I am paying for the balloons, fearing that she might actually throw me out of the store in our battle of wits)

"You cannot buy rolling papers either"

"Awww, thats a shame. The lighter I can deal with... The matches... fine. But, how do you expect me to smoke these balloons without papers?"