Whats bigger than big? Dinosaurs.

There is something big going on. Bigger than big. And nobody knows it.

But thats what we do here at the ninja base... we break the big stories. And we write rhymes... but we still don't have the street cred to get our videos on BET, so you've never heard them.

I touched on this in an earlier post, but now its time for the exposé. New information has come to light that will put that information to shame... so without further adieu.

Dinosaurs. Yeah, you heard me. Dinosaurs.

Uhhh... what about dinosaurs?? you ask.

Dinosaurs are here. Living here.

Uhhh... sure they are

If you would quit interrupting me, I will explain. The evidence is all here in front of us, but no one has been crazy enough to put it all together... until now.

In my earlier post, I reported that the only explanation for Kingston's recent road repair fetish was a search for dinosaur bones. Even then, I was too jaded by reality to realize what was really going on. Its not dinosaur bones, its real live dinosaurs. Want proof? Keep reading.

#1 - the lengthy road closures: Why would a city shut down so many major roads during such a beautiful season for tourists. Surely the benefits of whatever this work is must outweigh the massive loss of revenue that will be incurred due to disgruntled tourists. Dinosaurs are the only possible scenario here. Kingstonians have lived with potholes disguised as fishponds for years... they don't move away... I'm tellin' you... its dinosaurs. More on road closures later....

#2 - the heat and humidity: This summer has been insane. Its hot. Its humid. What else is hot and humid? A rainforest. Who lives in rainforests? Dinosaurs. Don't you remember Jurassic Park? That was in a rain forest, and there were tons of dinosaurs.

#3 - the stench of Beverley St: This one has been bugging me for awhile. The city dug up King St in order to fix the sewers... and yet, in the subsequent weeks since said sewers were fixed, the area has smelled terrible. In fact, the area has smelled suspiciously like dinosaurs.

#4 - the massive underground storage facility on the water front: This one is obvious. If you find a dinosaur, you need somewhere to put it. They're big, so they need lots of water...they also need to be underground, or else people would see them.

#5 - the closure of Lake Ontario Park and fireworks cancellation: This is an obvious indication of a plan for a future dinosaur themed park; a sort of Jurassic Park North. The site of lake ontario park would make an excellent dinosaur habitat. Lots of trees. Surrounded by fences. Close to water. Surprisingly close to a golf course and retirement housing though... this is indicative of the intention to feed the elderly to the dinosaurs.

#6 - the closure of division street: Division Street is one of the main roads out of the city. My main theory on this one is as follows: its a damage control mechanism. If people were to find these dinosaurs, or even hear about them on a blog for example, they might want to flee town. And we can't have this. There are already no tourists, because of the massive dinosaur excavation expenditure. There is also a chance that this division street area is a site for the theme park, but because of the lack of elderly people in the area, it is not the first choice. A third theory, although very remote, is that this closure is to prevent the dinosaurs from making their way into Rideau Heights, where many of the city's most influential and respectable citizens live and work. (yeah, i told you it was remote).

Finally, the most obvious sign. I'm suprised no one has figured this one out.

#7 - the lack of dinosaur killing equipment in the area - check it out for yourself. Head on down to Canadian Tire or 7-11. Do you see any giant guns with tranquilizer darts? Didn't think so. Usually, stores stock incredible supplies of weapons suitable for taking down giant creatures such as dinosaurs. Now? Suddenly no sign of anything. Dinosaur repellant? No. Dinosaur nets? No. I went down to the corner store and asked for a dinosaur helmet, and they looked at me like I was insane. Also noted, the lack of Turok, Sam Neill, or any other famous dinosaur hunters.

Thats not enough for you? How about this one?
#8 - eye witness reports: Fine, you don't believe me? Well, what about these people who have seen and photographed the exact behemoths of which I blog.

Those are kids drawings...

PRECISELY Would a child ever lie? Especially about something as dangerous as dinosaurs? Didn't think so.

I consider this case closed. The evidence is overwhelming. Still don't believe me? Thats ok. You'll just have to wait til next spring, for the grand opening of Springer Dinosaur Park, featuring Springersaurus.... then you can crawl back and admit that I was right all along.

Or, as faithful correspondent and veteran dinosaur killer Michelle has written in her advice column, "The Newly Discovered Dinosaur".... (about 2/3 down the page)

" So you can defend yourself, I will kill a dinosaur with spikes and give you a spike to fight."

Sounds good to me.