In search of a universal standard....

The web has the W3 consortium... most sane countries have the metric system... we've got the compact disc standard, a DVD standard... and they make our lives easier. They allow us to make a judgment about an object's capabilities or qualities and have an outcome that somewhat matches our hypothesized expectation. This is not a typical blog entry, this is a quest. A quest in search of a standard. A rule that will simplify lives and remove unnecessary negative consequences.

I hereby propose the formation of the GJBC.... The Green Jelly Bean Consortium. A standards based organization aimed at ridding the world of the confusion that is the green jelly bean.

The idea came to me like a flash of lightning today; a Eureka moment, one might say. As I bit into a delicious white freezie, I pondered the unification of flavour standards. White freezies taste like white jelly beans... a pattern emerged... purple, red, pink... we have a beautiful system of flavour consistency. Then, my pondering strayed... as many important philosophers before me, I pondered the jelly bean.

*Disclaimer: this blog does not refer to Jelly Belly jelly beans... there are reasons for this exclusion. Namely, the world does not need flavours like "rotten onion" or "burnt popcorn"... ridiculous. Also, no one in there right mind should be spending a small fortune on a bag of beans unless they're growing magic stalks into the heavens.*

In the world of normal jelly beans, we find a similar flavour convention... with items falling into two general categories:

a) those beans whose colour represents their flavour: purple = grape, orange = orange, yellow = lemon, black = liquorice, white = marshmallow

b) those beans whose colour is a standard of goodness:
red = damn those red ones are always so good, i'll save them for later
pink = wow, i'll save these always awesome pink ones for later, til i'm down to some whites and pinks, and then i'll eat those randomly.

So, we seem to have an agreed upon standard. However, when we hit green the standard falls to pieces. Green jelly beans are met with trepidation... careful analysis... wide-eyed wonderment. Because with green, you're never really sure.

Many a jelly bean experience has been irreversibly damaged when that nice green jelly bean flavour expectation is shattered. Inevitably, green apple lovers stumble upon a bean manufactured by the spearmint belief camp... and those lovers of spearmint (old ladies of the world unite), well, they unknowingly sink their teeth into a handful of green apple beans! Worse yet, those companies that just can't decide, and choose to produce a green jelly bean bearing no flavour other than sugar and gelatin.

As a firm believer in standards that are ratified in a democratic fashion, I am open to suggestions on this one. Personally, I propose a standard based on green apple; spearmint has had its day and stands entrenched in the face of flavour progress.

Write your congressman, we will not be ignored.

revolution!